Stupid cell phone...

This stupid cell phone. I hate the thing, but I can't put the bastard down. I sleep with it beside my head and keep it either in my pocket or in my bra all throughout the day.

With the recent "break-up" still fresh and with all my hopes built up so thick that they're all I can focus on, I woke every two hours last night, springing awake and grabbing my phone hopefully expectant.

Nothing...

It makes me want to punch this phone in its face. I am not okay with how this whole scenario is making me feel. I just want to get over this and find someone who wants me as much as I want them. I deserve that. Everyone deserves that.

The worst part of this is the desperation I feel about losing Gary. Like I couldn't possibly exist without him. Like my heart will wither and die if it's not allowed to love him. Like he was the man of my dreams and I will never find anyone that can even compare to him.

I have a question to anyone who will answer it:  What is better; having your best friend whom you are also desperately in love with string you along for an indefinite number of years or losing them because you need more from them? Am I the asshole?

As ever, thank you all for reading.  Song of the day, up next!

--Nic